Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me
- We'd all like this to be true but for most of us it's just not the case
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Have you ever felt UPSET, INTIMIDATED or THREATENED by something someone's said to you or the way they treat you?
Is the power balance real OR perceived? If it's perceived as that then it's real to you.
"Perception is reality" - Lee Atwater
The definition of 'bully': to hurt or frighten someone who is smaller or less powerful than you, often forcing that person to do something they do not want to do.
Now this can be to any degree. Think of a sliding scale from obvious phsyical intimidation and violence to subtle but ultimately just as damaging words or attutude. Don't think of at one being more damaging than the other. Just think of the sliding scale from one side to the other and all the degrees and nuances in between.
Ultimately how we develop our sense of self worth and value CAN be instrumental in changing our perception and subsequently, our reality.
You could feel bullied at school, or it could be at work or it could be in your social circles or home life.
There is a lot of emphasis placed on "fixing" and stopping bullies and bullying in schools. Is there enough empasis placed on how to develop a strong sense of self worth so that you know how and what to do when you feel bullied? How to change your perception and tackle the problem at the very heart of it, addressing the power balance. I totally appreciate that this way may not always prevent bullying, but surely it would go a long way?? You develop your sense of self worth and your core belief when you're young, this is what sets you up to face the world. This is the belief about yourself that you take into the adult world.
Work wise, as adults, we are taught to just suck it up and deal. We do suck it up, we do deal, until it sucks the life right out of us. Where's our recourse, as adults? How do we develop a strong sense of self worth after years of sucking up negativity? As adults we struggle to admit that we feel weak and vulnerable, we struggle with whom to trust and how much to trust them with. This creates an enourmous amount of stress because usually, how we react to feeling bullied as an adult can cause us to lose our jobs or make us feel like we need to leave our jobs and therefore the ability to support ourselves and/or our family is compromised.
The saying, "If you don't love yourself then no one else will", comes to mind.
Into every personal relationship, including that with ourself, we take into it our 'emotional baggage', the contents of everything that has contributed to where our self worth is at that moment. With a diminished sense of self core and belief, we risk attracting the wrong people and relationships into our lives. Our lack of self-belief and awareness simply invites negative, destructive people and relationships into our lives.
Life and business are intertwined. Whatever is happening in your personal life, your business will be affected. Whatever is happening in your business, your personal life will be affected. Do you have destructive relationships in your personal life, is your attention pulled in too many directions? Are you trying to keep too many balls in the air. If you are trying to run your own business, it simply won't be successful unless you can find your self belief, and you simply won't be able to find your self belief if you have the wrong people in your life. How do you know who the "wrong" people are when your perspective is skewed? Good question.
The Digital Age
The digital age has brought with it a whole host of problems for people. If you feel like crap about yourself it can feel like there is no escape.
We are bombarded with images on television, internet and magazines of what we should look like and what we should think. Images, largely heavily manipulated. We are actually given the impossible task of achieving something that's not even real most of the time. We are so over conditioned to what is desirable and what is expected looks wise and when we fall outside those parameters we feel less.
If you are being bullied as a child or an adult, the digital age makes it possible for the bullies to get to you wherever you are, through internet email, mobile phone, social media.
WORDS THAT HAVE HURT US
'I never thought I'd end up with a fat wife.' From my charming husband.
'You're a failure, you're the reason I cut myself, the reason I have depression.'
I was bullied all through my school life, was told every day how fat and ugly I was - which made me feel utterly worthless and I really started to hate myself and dreaded going to school! I'm now a much stronger person and would now happily stick
two fingers up to all the bullies!
In school i was called a goofy ugly bitch which has affected my confidence and self esteem ever since and meant i hid behind my hands all the time